A Pop-Up Book of My Biggest Fears
some silly, some serious, all very real
inside cover
A Note From Me
fear no. 1
Snakes
Snakes have been a fear of mine since before my brain was even self-aware. I really don’t think this fear was learned. I feel like it has just always been a part of me.
One of the earliest memories I have with snakes was in elementary school. We had two field trips pretty close together, and one of them was to the zoo. I remember walking through the reptile exhibit and seeing this bright green tree snake. Immediately, goosebumps covered my whole body. I don’t even know what it was about that snake, but I felt so uncomfortable and freaked out.
For years after that, anytime I took a shower and closed my eyes to rinse off, I would randomly picture that green snake so vividly in my head. It would make me so uncomfortable that I would open my eyes as fast as possible. Even now, anytime I’m somewhere that has snakes, the goosebumps pretty much show up immediately.
Oh my goodness, ladies, and then LAST WEEK there was a freaking rat snake inside my parents’ house. It was dead on the wall above the back door! Apparently, it had been there for days?!?!?! Absolutely not. Ever since then, I keep thinking that a snake could literally just be chilling somewhere in the house and nobody would even notice. It is so eerie.
I still don’t really know where this fear came from. I can’t think of one specific thing that happened and made me scared of snakes, which is why I feel like this one might just be built into me.
fear no. 2
Horror Movies
Horror movies are a little tricky to explain. I started watching them for fun with my best friend Jadan when we were early teenagers, so it’s not like I’ve always completely avoided them. But anything involving demons or some creepy monster has never really been my cup of tea.
Even when a movie has a scene where some devilish, weird language starts playing, I’m like, I probably should not even be hearing this. Don’t claim that over here.
I also prefer not to watch horror movies at night. The dilemma is that sometimes they give me nightmares, or if a scene is really disturbing, the image will randomly pop back into my head later. That is probably the part I hate the most. The movie can be over, but apparently my brain decides it would be fun to replay the creepiest parts whenever it feels like it.
Recently, my boyfriend and I watched the newest Evil Dead, and I felt so tense and disturbed that I almost told him we needed to finish it the next day. I ended up pushing through, and honestly, I felt a lot better once the movie started becoming more predictable. I think not knowing what horrible thing is about to happen next is what gets me the most.
fear no. 3
Driving Somewhere Unfamiliar
I got my license when I was seventeen years old. We did Aceable, so I never had a driving instructor or went to driving school. My instructors were basically my parents.
As a gal with divorced parents, I practiced driving in two very different places: the small city where I lived with my mom and the much busier Dallas area. While staying with my dad for the summer, my fear of driving there became pretty obvious because I had no idea where I was going half the time.
What made it worse was that only a few weeks after getting my license, I ended up in a car wreck. Since then, driving on crazy highways or in places where I don’t know where I’m going makes my whole body tense up.
I also really hate driving my mom’s car. It is pretty new, so the steering and the way it drives are super smooth, which sounds like it should be a good thing, but for some reason it actually makes me more tense. I think I just feel more comfortable when I know exactly how a car is going to move and respond.
fear no. 4
Public Speaking
First of all, I do not like talking loudly, especially to an audience. I am pretty reserved, so there are probably plenty of people who have barely heard my voice or even know who I am.
I already sometimes find myself stuttering over my words when I’m just talking to people dear to me, so imagine how much worse it gets when I’m standing in front of a group of people who are all expecting to hear a presentation. I start stuttering, talking way too fast, and eventually feel like I’m speaking complete gibberish.
I think that is what makes public speaking so uncomfortable for me. I become way too aware of the fact that everyone is listening to me, and then I start thinking about how I’m talking instead of what I’m actually trying to say. The more I think about it, the more nervous I get, and the words somehow come out even faster.
fear no. 5
My Relationship Ending
My sweet ginger partner is obligated to stay with me forever. This man cannot leave, or else I’m going into the “nunistry.”
My man and I have a beautiful life together, and my heart booms thinking about what our future together could look like. The thought of ever losing him is honestly one of the things my heart fears the most.
I firmly believe he lights me up, and I do the same for him. I feel very lucky to have the relationship we do, which is probably why the thought of it ever ending feels so scary.
I mustn’t give this fear any more explanation, though. No bad juju.
fear no. 6
Disappointing Myself
The Ultimate Grand Supreme Queen fear of mine is disappointing myself. I hold myself to my goals and dreams pretty harshly, and if I don’t meet my own expectations, I’m afraid feelings of doubt will flood my mind and make me feel depressed.
For the rest of my life, I want to be proud of the home my partner and I share. I also want to be proud of my career and, most importantly, proud of myself.
I am very blessed to have a home and people I love, and I think this fear is partly connected to wanting to always feel safe and secure. At the end of the day, I just want to be able to look back and know that I created a life I was happy with.
I want to feel safe, happy, and proud of the life I had.
one last page
What Are You Afraid Of?
You don’t have to tell me. Write it here just for yourself, then let it go.
Nothing you type here is saved or sent anywhere.
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